A Ray of Sunshine This Morning.

I woke up this morning knowing I might have difficulty getting both my boys up.  My youngest needs to be at his bus stop for 7:30am, so that means getting him up at 6:30.  NOT FUN!  But in all fairness, he does pretty good.  A little bit of tickling him, and he's all smiles and ready to get dressed.

The other one, which I will remain calling him G, only because I don't like the idea of posting too much personal info on the internet, is not exactly a morning person.  Not by a long shot.  So this morning when he still hadn't gotten up after my youngest son had already eaten breakfast I was sure that when I got back to the house at 8am from the bus stop I would have to dress him myself.

So I began my list of things, telling him what I wanted him to do while he was in the bed.  Get up, get dressed, eat and start on his KUMON booklet.

When I got home at 8am, I was glad to see that he wasn't in the den watching Netflix.  So as I walked up to the kitchen I prepared myself by counting to 10 to not get upset if he was straggling.  Well, you can imagine my surprise when I see him sitting at my dining room table, telling me "I finished breakfast, took my medicine, and I'm almost done with my KUMON book."

I opened my mouth, and said.  "Really?!"  He merely nodded with a big, happy grin on his face.  And all I said next was, "Thanks buddy.  I love you."  I wanted to cry.  Why can't everyday be like that?  Why can't every waking moment of the day be like this?!  And I realized for G, just that moment was a triumph, just that moment was like making it to the top of Mount Everest.  And I will take those moments whenever they come, even if they are aren't as frequent as I would like.  Because for him, that is a HUGE accomplishment.

Homework Challenges

Every night is a battle over homework.  The battle isn't getting it done, the problem is him being able to get it started.

Mommy:  "Hey, you need to sit down and start working."

G:  "I know."

"Now buddy, stop playing with your pencil."

"I know.  I was picking it up.  I dropped it."

Five minutes later.

"Well, you've already picked it up.  Sit down and start."

"I need to take my vitamins."

"I will get them for you.  Sit down and start your writing.  Now, please."

"OKAY!"

Five minutes later.  "Why aren't you writing?"

"I'm chewing my vitamin."

"Chew faster, and start writing while you are chewing.  Let's go.  You've been at the table now for fifteen minutes and you haven't done anything."

Now I'm taking away the bin with his pencils and erasers in it, because he is playing with them.

"I'm hungry.  Can I have a snack?"

"After you start your assignment.  Not before."

"But I'm really hungry!"

"If you get started, and stop whining about being hungry you will get your snack, but you need to start the assignment.  Let's go.  What's your homework?"

"Correct the sentence."

"So grammer, and punctuation.  This is quick.  The sentence is only six words.  Complete that, and I will give you the snack before your math."

"Okay."

He starts writing, but slowly.  Two minutes go by and he has only written the first two words.  "Please, you need to focus.  You took your medicine, so you need to now work harder at focusing and staying on task."

"But it's hard.  There is so much stuff."

"I know buddy.  But this needs to be done.  Come on, I will help you."

Five minutes later - he is eating his snack.  Now it has been twenty minutes since he started homework.  He got home from the bus stop at 4:45pm.  It is now 5pm.  Daddy walks through the door.  Great!  Now he is going to be even more distracted.

"Daddy!"  Goes to him and hugs him.  Daddy tells him to sit back down and do his homework and asks me what is for dinner.

"It's all there ready to go, but I haven't been able to start it yet - because of......"

He nods his head because he understands.  I go back to my oldest son.  My six year old is now with Daddy helping him with dinner.

G is now finished with his snack and begins the harder homework - math.  Number one takes him five minutes, number two takes one minute.  He stops and wiggles in his seat.  He gets up, and plays with the calendar.

"You need to sit down and finish.  Otherwise we can't eat dinner."

"Why?"

"Because you are doing your homework at the dinner table.  I can't set the table for dinner, because the forks and spoons will be a distraction."

"But I'm hungry!"

"You just finished a snack.  You are not hungry, you just want to do things other than what you are supposed to.  Which is what?"

"My homework."  His shoulders slump.

"Tell you what.  For every problem you get done in the next five minutes, you can have an M&M."

"Okay!"  He sits down.  He drops the pencil.  He picks it up, then plays with the eraser.

"G!  Do you remember what I said?"

"Huh?  Oh, yeah."

"Yeah, what?  What did I say?"

"Get my homework done."

"No, what did I just tell you?"

"I don't remember."

"M&Ms?"

"Oh!!!!"

He gets two M&Ms.  It is now 5:10pm.  Dinner is ready.  He has to stop his homework.  The table is cleared and set.  We eat.  After dinner, he wants dessert.  He is told no.  His homework needs to be finished first.  Finally at 7pm, an hour after dinner ended, his homework is done.

At this point he asks to watch TV, but he needs to get ready for bed first.  Which takes him an hour, to undress and put his PJs on.  By the time he is done, it is bedtime.  He argues and throws a fit because he couldn't watch TV.

"Well, if you would get undressed in the time we give you, and put your PJs on in the time we give you, you would have had fifty minutes to watch TV.  But instead you played with your toys, took books out from you bookshelf, laid on the floor and walked back and forth in your room.  You wasted that time, not me, not your father, and not your brother.  You did it to yourself.  Next time, do what you are told immediately and you will have all the time you want to play or watch TV."

"Okay."  Again the shoulders slump.

And the following nights are just a repeat of this experience.

Now here are some things I have tried to help him.

1.  Time limits with consequences:  He just sat and waited until the time limit is up and dealt with the consequence.  Didn't help him - because he came to expect it.

2. Time limits with rewards - He expected it with everything.  Putting toys away, getting homework done, etc.  Even expects us to buy him things all the time

3. Seeing the reward - This became a major distraction for him.  Instead of focusing on the task in order to get the reward, he focuses on the reward itself.

4.  Taking things away - This just made him angry and difficult to deal with.  Constant temper tantrums everyday for two weeks until I decided to stop because it wasn't fixing the problem, it was making it worse.


In a way, a child with autism and ADHD nothing seems to work.  Consequences and reward systems cause other issues to happen.  And I have come to accept that every situation has to be dealt with differently.  Sometimes explaining to him why works, and other times telling him that it is just expected of him works.  In other situations I have gone to the extent of having him watch TV shows that show the grimmer side of situations to drive home a point I am trying to make.  Does it scare him?  Yes.  Does he remember it?  Absolutely.  And that is what I am trying to reach - making him remember what I'm trying to teach him.

Daily Life #1

Church for my oldest son can be difficult.  Dealing with his antics can sometimes be extremely daunting.  He is physically unable to sit still for longer than ten minutes.  So when he needs to sit for a catholic mass, I know that he will have to leave at least ten times throughout the hour long mass.  Whether it is a quick bathroom break, or a short walk, or getting a drink at the water fountain.  It has taken at least six months for my husband and I to be okay with this, but the alternative is a lot worse.

That could be him laying out on the pew, knocking his feet on the pew in front of him, or laying underneath the pew.  So in a way our solution was the lesser of two evils, and we work hard every Sunday to extend how long he sits in the pew.

Over the past couple of months he has worked up to fifteen minutes.  So now he is only having to leave mass, six times at the most.  Yea!  We hope to cut that number in half in another couple of months.

Learning social skills and acceptable behavior is difficult for children that are afflicted by autism.  Every child is different.  My son is no exception to that rule.  Be patient, and try to remember that these little angels are trying every day to please you as a parent.  Don't allow the stress to cloud the fact that you love your child, that your child loves you, and that it takes your whole family to help them.